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Little shop of mommy horrors

There are many topics of discussion I chose to stay away from when I was pregnant with my first. I guess I didn't want my fantasy of having the perfect 'baby just slipped out' delivery distorted in any way. I think that was one of the things that got me through my delivery - my head was clear and not tainted with horror stories about the delivery process and motherhood from friends who already had babies. It helped me feel positive and excited rather than like a dark cloud was hovering over me. 

Whether true or not, here is my list of 8 things that I think a first time pregnant person and a new mom would probably like to avoid hearing. These are things that have actually been said to me as well as friends of mine:

  1. "Don't expect to 'sleep in' for the next 18 years."

  2. "The baby will suck on your Nipples so hard that you will want to tear them away from your body and fling them into the garbage." 

  3. If your labour lasts for more than 5 hours, lie about it.

  4. "You will not feel like having sex for so long that a tree will start growing down there."

  5. Don't describe in great detail the amount of blood that was all over your doctor and the nurses when the baby came out. 

  6. "After I had my baby, I did not shave my legs or step out of the house for 6 months. I was around my child 24/7." Not everyone chooses to be a hairy hermit after having a baby. 

  7. "I pooped on the delivery table so I was really scared that the baby was also going to come out covered in poop." I think it is very important to know in general which end the baby actually comes out of.

  8. "You will not be able to lead a care-free life anymore." Does having a baby mean going to prison?

  9. "Rest as much as possible now; you are going to have your hands full and no time at all once the second baby is born." The mom is probably already nervous about managing two children so I always think it is better to avoid making this comment in general.

Have any family, colleagues, acquaintances or friends ever related such stories to you? If yes, leave me a comment and let me know what you felt! I would love to hear different perspectives on this!


#pregnancy #motherhood

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"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect” - Anais Nin

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